Sunday, 6 March 2011

Why I hate Black Ops' Multiplayer (Video)

"It is pitch black. You are likely to be eaten by a Grue" an infamous line from the seminal text based game Zork, one that taught that it would serve you well to step into fucking line and do exactly what Infocom told you (i.e spend your money on games only slightly more powerful than a novella). I propose we create a similar line for use in multiplayer gameplay; something along the lines of "You are online. You are likely to be repeatedly killed by an overweight twelve year old from Korea". See I like games, and would like to believe that I am somewhat decent at them in the same way that Alex Reid mistakenly believes he has evolved from a Gorilla into a Human and is not currently still half way through the process. However for me no matter how good at a game I am, as soon as I go online it becomes as difficult as having to break bad news to Hitler.

Which is why I have recorded the following video, so that you may gain some idea of my average experience. That way once I murder half the population of a small town at least the media will be able to blame video games and focus their intense scrutiny on pixelated violence instead of the bloody obvious fact that I must be several chins short of a darts player to actually commit such atrocities.