"It is pitch black. You are likely to be eaten by a Grue" an infamous line from the seminal text based game Zork, one that taught that it would serve you well to step into fucking line and do exactly what Infocom told you (i.e spend your money on games only slightly more powerful than a novella). I propose we create a similar line for use in multiplayer gameplay; something along the lines of "You are online. You are likely to be repeatedly killed by an overweight twelve year old from Korea". See I like games, and would like to believe that I am somewhat decent at them in the same way that Alex Reid mistakenly believes he has evolved from a Gorilla into a Human and is not currently still half way through the process. However for me no matter how good at a game I am, as soon as I go online it becomes as difficult as having to break bad news to Hitler.
Which is why I have recorded the following video, so that you may gain some idea of my average experience. That way once I murder half the population of a small town at least the media will be able to blame video games and focus their intense scrutiny on pixelated violence instead of the bloody obvious fact that I must be several chins short of a darts player to actually commit such atrocities.
LOL @ Hitler and Alex Reid...however my brain is conditioned to switch off regarding gaming. Nothing to do with this, just the result of a son who is under the (wrong) impression that I want to have lengthy discussions regarding how many foreigners he has slaughtered or his world ranking, (apparently he's in the top 100 worldwide for one game), fuck knows which one, and I'm not gonna ask in case he thinks I'm interested.
ReplyDeleteStill laughing Iron.....
ReplyDeleteOh, and props to using Iron Maiden.
I feel your pain.
ReplyDeleteUnless you spend all your waking hours playing multiplayer, you'll never be as good as these little punks who do. And you must remember, while you probably grew up with the likes of Ninja Gaiden or Sonic (depending on your age...possibly even Pong), the first thing these kids played was probably Halo.
I consider myself pretty decent as well, until I play with strangers and I get my ass handed to me 50% of the time (yeah, sometimes I luck out and find some old timers like myself who haven't wasted our lives perfecting that one-hit head shot kill).
@ Kat - This is true, I know of people who didn't even bother with the single player campaign at all instead just jumping into the multiplayer. It's a bit pathetic really.
ReplyDelete@ Amber - Thanks very much, knew you would appreciate the song choice.
@Cowgirl - I appreciate that view because I work with some people whose only goal in life is to get to the highest prestige rank (something that takes a lot of time and patience).
So you hate it because you suck at it? If online is so difficult go play combat training to get better.
ReplyDeleteBut I don't suck it at, maybe in this video but it is hard to record, comment and play a game at the same time. I hate the gamers who treat it as life and death, spending the majority of their life on it and as such are virtually unbeatable.
ReplyDelete